Primal Persuasion The Abandonment Schema

When I was little, I went with my Mom to  the carwash. Everything was going great. I was splashing in puddles and having a great time. After she finished washing the car, my Mom pulled the car around to the vacuum cleaners. I continued to busy myself nearby, playing with a stick and chasing butterflies into the bushes. 

I was having a great time until I looked up and saw that the car was gone. 

I dropped the stick as icy panic grabbed my little heart. 

I sprinted to the vacuum cleaner and stood in the empty spot where the car had been. 

She'd forgotten about me…

…I started to cry. 

Then I heard her laughing on the side of the building. 

I ran to her and jumped into the car hidden around the corner.  

"Next time you need to listen," she said. 

She thought it was funny but  I didn't. I wiped my tears so she would never see them. 

I spent the rest of the ride home going over in my head what I would do if she disappeared. I remembered my uncle lived near the carwash. If she ever left me again, I needed to find his house. 

I'm telling you this story because we all have things that happened to us as children that completely change our perspective on life. 

Of course, the car wash experience didn't damage me in the long term, but I wanted you to see how little things can leave such an impact on a young mind. 

Much of our mental damage occurs in childhood to early adolescence.

Children develop coping mechanisms to survive traumatic events. These coping mechanisms help children survive but don't necessarily serve us as adults. 

Adults find themselves falling into "life traps" because of faulty coping mechanisms.

The most powerful persuasion tool ever discovered.

According to Dr. Jeffrey E. Young and Dr. Janet Klosko, in their book Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behaviors and Feel Great Again, a lifetrap is, "A pattern that starts in childhood and reverberates throughout life. It begins with something that was done to us by our families or by other children.

But why are lifetraps such a powerful persuasion tool?

The doctors say, "Lifetraps determine how we think, feel, act, and relate to others, they trigger strong feelings such as anger, sadness, and anxiety." 

Copywriting 101 says people buy on emotion and justify with logic. 

By understanding your market's primary lifetraps, you can create a message that resonates on a psychological level. 

The 11 Lifetrap types that predict our behavior.

Dr. Young and Klosko realized there were thousands of reasons people became stuck in lifetraps. However, they were able to group lifetraps using common characteristics. They called these common characteristics schemas. 

"Schemas develop when the needs of a child are not met. They are coping strategies that a child uses to overcome or avoid pain. They follow us into adulthood." 

Here are the 11 primary schemas

1. Abandonment
2. Mistrust
3. Dependence
4. Vulnerability
5. Deprivation
6. Social Exclusion
7. Unrelenting Standards
8. Failure
9. Defectiveness
10. Subjugation
11. Entitlement 

Let's talk about the Abandonment Schema…

Someone suffering from the abandonment schema believes they will lose people they love. They fear being emotionally isolated forever." 

The abandonment schema is at the core of any niche where the fear of loss drives the prospect's decisions. 

How do you know if your market falls into this schema?

• Do they worry about people leaving them?
• Are they clingy?
• Are they isolated and have few close relationships yet crave them?
• Do they often get emotionally attached to people and things that can't fulfill them?
• Do they believe relationships will always end?
• Do they become desperate when someone pulls away?
• Do they have obsessive thoughts about loss?
• Do they feel people close to them are unreliable?
• Do they need relationships too much?
• Do they think they will always be alone? 

Do any of the above resonate with your market? The more items that apply, the stronger the schema is in your customers. 

Now all kinds of possibilities open up. You can write a ton of Facebook ads, landing pages, and emails using stories that resonate with your market. 

Now, let's take a look at some copy that uses the language of abandonment.